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Tim Kaine

10/25/2016 / By newsparody

Teary-Eyed Tim Kaine Asks Clinton If His Hair Will Grow Back In Time For Election Day

NEW YORK—His lower lip quivering while showing his running mate the uneven patches on his head where he attempted to give himself a trim, a teary-eyed Tim Kaine reportedly asked Hillary Clinton this morning if his hair would grow back in time for Election Day. “I just wanted to look nice for TV, but I […]

10/05/2016 / By newsparody

Tim Kaine Clearly Ate Rocket Pop During Pence’s Rebuttal

Read more at: theonion.com

10/04/2016 / By newsparody

Tim Kaine Forced To Drink Ipecac After Eating Sheet Of ‘I’m With Her’ Stickers

APPLETON, WI—Acting quickly to induce vomiting, members of Hillary Clinton’s campaign staff confirmed Thursday that they forced Tim Kaine to drink syrup of ipecac after the Democratic vice presidential nominee ate an entire sheet of “I’m With Her” stickers. “We didn’t even notice Tim had gotten into the stickers until he had already swallowed at […]

09/15/2016 / By newsparody

Wound-Up Tim Kaine Running Around Clinton Campaign Headquarters In Pajamas

NEW YORK—Evading staff members and giggling uncontrollably while darting between cubicles, a wound-up Democratic vice presidential nominee Tim Kaine was reportedly running around Clinton campaign headquarters Wednesday night in his favorite pair of footie pajamas. “When Tim gets all crazy like this, you just have to let him wear himself out; he was riding around […]

09/01/2016 / By newsparody

Tim Kaine Found Riding Conveyor Belt During Factory Campaign Stop

AIKEN, SC—Noting that he disappeared for over an hour during a campaign stop meet-and-greet with workers at a Bridgestone tire manufacturing plant, sources confirmed Tuesday that Democratic vice presidential candidate Tim Kaine was finally discovered riding on one of the factory’s conveyor belts. “Shortly after we arrived, Tim managed to get out of our sight, […]

08/23/2016 / By newsparody

Giddy Tim Kaine Presses Face Against Campaign Bus Window As Horse Trailer Drives By

LIMA, OH—Pointing at the vehicle and shrieking with delight, giddy Democratic vice presidential nominee Tim Kaine reportedly pressed his face against the window of his campaign bus Wednesday to gawk at a passing horse trailer. “Look, look, there’s two horseys!” said Kaine, his eyes widening with excitement and his mouth, nose, and palms leaving large […]

07/27/2016 / By newsparody

Who Is Tim Kaine?

Virginia senator Tim Kaine will be Hillary Clinton’s running mate on the Democratic Party ticket in the 2016 presidential election. Here’s what you need to know about Kaine: (Article by TheOnion.com) Children: Nat Kaine—an active duty infantry officer in the United States Marine Corps—and two others Previous Occupation: Prospective vice presidential candidate Years Spent Sort […]

07/25/2016 / By newsparody

Clinton Assures Tim Kaine She’ll Continue Serving As President In Event Of Her Death

MIAMI—In their first official meeting Saturday as Democratic running mates, Hillary Clinton reportedly pulled aside her vice presidential pick, Virginia senator Tim Kaine, and quietly assured him that in the event of her death while in office, she would continue serving as commander-in-chief. “If something unfortunate happens to me in the next four years, I […]

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