Thursday, September 24, 2015 by Chris Draper
Horror movie enthusiasts delight in the idea of a zombie apocalypse. So much so that some people have promulgated “how to kill a zombie” guides on the internet. Although there is plenty of information on the web about how to kill zombies, there is little information about how to a kill a more imminent threat: Google robots.
Human-like androids have broken free from the shackles of science fiction. Google debuted its humanoid robot Atlas, in a recent video. Atlas stands six feet, two inches tall and clocks in at a whopping 330 pounds. The makers of the robot set Atlas free into woods to see how well it could navigate through the murky terrain.(1)
In the video, Atlas struggles to walk upright, but can effectively respond to the surrounding environment. Makers of the robot claim their primary focus in constructing Atlas was to improve balance and dynamics.
Although Atlas walks like an awkward slumped-over giant, the android is a force made of steel that would stop anyone dead in their tracks. Makers of the robot state that Atlas is not yet quite on par with humans, but they remain optimistic.
“All kinds of stuff happens, and we’re making pretty good progress in making it’s movement sort of within shooting range of yours, and if we keep pushing we’ll get there,” noted Marc Raibert, the founder of Boston Dynamic.(1)
All this in the round, one cannot help wonder when robots will not just be equivalent to their Google caretakers, but supersede them, perhaps even detaining them to a “people zoo.” Some people believe that robots are already becoming our overlords. For instance, the multinational company Hitachi is now using an A.I. system at several warehouses to issue commands to factory workers — not the other way around.(2)
In the event that robots do take over the world, preparations for a zombie apocalypse would prove futile. Unlike zombies, decapitating a metal android standing over six feet tall may not be the most effective way to kill it. Although a robot moves through the workings of its artificial brain, slicing through a steel neck would require multiple whacks.
One way to kill a Google robot is simply to burn it up. Douse the Google robot in gasoline and engulf it in flames. Since Google robots are devoid of sentience and can travel long distances, it’s best to perform this stunt from far away. They’re sure to leave a trail of fire in their tracks.
A weakness of robots is that they are just as sensitive to water as they are fire. Drenching a robot with a bucket of water from a tree may be just as effective at killing a Google robot as engulfing it in flames. At the very least, the water can cause the robot’s circuits to malfunction. Rather than challenge a robot to a duel, challenge the robot to an ice bucket challenge.
Another way to kill a Google robot is to run it over with a car. Depending on the size of the vehicle, killing the robot with a car may require multiple attempts. After you run over the robot, put your car in reverse and run it over again. Then, put the car in drive and run the robot over a third time. What are you going to do at this point, drive around it?
If you’re really diabolical, attach the near dead robot to the rear end of your car and take it home as a souvenir. You can take pleasure from listening to its mangled corpse scrape along the pavement on the ride home.
Google robots responds to their environment with various sensors. One way to stop a Google robot dead in its tracks is to blind its sensors with a laser pointer. Although a laser pointer won’t kill the robot, you can blind the robot, guide it to a precipice, and then gently push it off a cliff. Justice really is blind.
Since robots can’t bleed and are devoid of sentience, perhaps the best way to kill a human android is to attack it from the inside-out rather than from the outside-in. Uploading a computer virus to the robot’s software may be able to terminate the machine, or at least turn its kill switch from on to off. For the tech-savvy robot killer, take over the robot’s brain!
Unfortunately, robots seem better equipped at taking over our brains than we are at theirs. Millennials stumbling the streets, staring into their smart phones with a catatonic gaze, are testimony to this fact. It’s as if computers have summoned a zombie apocalypse; the only problem is that we’re the zombies. In trying to decipher the many different ways to unplug a Google robot, perhaps a good first step would be to unplug ourselves.